Welcome to the Whakapapa Club Forums where you will find a wealth of information.  You are free to browse the forums, but if you wish to comment or add requests, you must register, which is quick and easy and you can even use your Facebook Login.

Once you have signed up and posted either a reply or a new post it will not appear in the forums until it has been approved – this is to stop spam from appearing and keeping our Whakapapa Club Forums relavent for Whakapapa only.

If someone helps you don’t forget to acknowlege them.

Not Knowing What To Do..  

Page 1 / 2
  RSS

Motorhead
(@motorhead)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 7
14 November, 2011 12:58 am  

I'm a 21 y.o male, maori.

I've always known I was Maori but never connected with it. Recently my father (Whom I never knew) Passed away.

However I did find countless bro's & sis's all over Facebook but I'm apprehensive man. Apprehensive because I may lose them once I've found them, and worried through the internet is not the right way to do something like this.

I spend nights rereading my fathers death notice & surfing my brothers/sisters pages looking for more info and it's stupid.

So this brings me to where I am now..

I know how to contact them but I'm so scared. Scared to not be wanted but at the same time scared somebody else might die if I don't do anything.

What do you think?..


Quote
Ngamotu34
(@ngamotu34)
Eminent Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 129
15 November, 2011 9:34 am  

Don't be scared! I'm the black sheep of my whanau, yet when I contacted people they were so nice! Some even visited me from afar, respectable people too, & so kind & helpful. Fear is not a positive way of going through life, it's destructive. The Bible says that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and a sound mind. It has given me so much confidence in researching whakapapa, family history, photos etc. that I've put together several books for my immediate family & some people give me koha of $100 for each book, & they're amature attempts too! Go for it!


ReplyQuote
rewanz
(@rewanz)
New Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 3
19 November, 2011 10:16 am  

Kia ora Motorhead. Good on you for putting your question forward i'm only sorry that here, like in most of the forums i've viewed today on this site you havent been given any real sound advice, just accosted by someones beliefs......i respect everyone's right to their beliefs but thats not what this site is for, or about! In answer to your query....I think you should definitely approach your Whanau. MOST Maori are all about Whanau and welcome all kinship with open arms.Just be yourself. The mere fact that you wish to get to know them and find your roots is reason enough for them to welcome you in. Don't leave it until it's too late otherwise you will be left with true regret. I wish you all the best on your journey. Let us know how you get on. Kia Kaha.


ReplyQuote
eunicemoanacole
(@eunicemoanacole)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 7
02 December, 2011 4:39 pm  

Kia ora Motorhead I agree with rewanz.All maori are whanau oriented,no matter what colour of the skin.Its the kinship.We held a get together for our whanau a couple of years ok.The reason:Our young brothers kids were bought up in the waikato,and they did'nt know anything about their kuia from Te Arawa or their connections.We thought it was our duty to make the way clear for them and introduce them to their cousins and their kids.I tell you that was the best thing we could of done for our bro. 🙂


ReplyQuote
Motorhead
(@motorhead)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 7
10 December, 2011 10:53 pm  

Thank you rewanz and eunice.

Still I'm not brave enough to make the step, but Ive taken it upon myself to learn Te Reo through university. I'd love the day I knock on my brothers door to speak the reo to him. one day... one day.


ReplyQuote
Ngamotu34
(@ngamotu34)
Eminent Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 129
12 December, 2011 10:21 am  

You shouldn't feel so inferior!
Do you watch Tatai Hono on Maori TV on Monday nights at 8?
Even if you're a "stray","gay" , "pale" or whatever, I'm sure your brothers & sisters will embrace you & welcome you into the family.
It's so sad to be disconnected.
I don't see anything wrong with starting to reach out to them online.
Just tell them how you feel.


ReplyQuote
Motorhead
(@motorhead)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 7
12 December, 2011 10:37 pm  

I do watch Tatai Hono, and missing pieces. They are both awesome shows. I guess I feel I do feel unworthy, and un Maori. My Uncle was even the Maori land court judge at one time. So it's not about finding them, thats the easy part.

It's wanting to know and not wanting to know at the same time, it's two thoughts I can't decide on. Like a treasure being unearthed for the last time.


ReplyQuote
rewanz
(@rewanz)
New Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 3
16 December, 2011 1:12 pm  

I know what you mean Motorhead. I too have been learning Te Reo and tikanga so that i might attend more whanau gatherings and feel more comfortable. I sometimes feel like a "fake" because i dont know so much. I guess every little step we take is on the right track.
I know things will turn out well for you because you have taken such an interest. Karawhuia!! go for it.


ReplyQuote
frontman
(@frontman)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 6
11 January, 2012 12:07 pm  

You sound like a uncle I would like my children to be around.
You know the longer you leave it! you may lose it again. Take the first step, "do they know of you?? my guess is they don't!! Make the move Motorhead, give them a call!!!!! or a visit. If you need to!! "take someone with you" but please consider in taking the next step which you know and I know is to meet your whanua........ do it,


ReplyQuote
Motorhead
(@motorhead)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 7
27 January, 2012 12:37 am  

A year (from my fathers death) on my birthday a lady came into work. I knew was related to my brothers/sisters so I stopped her, asked her. She got heated over how I knew who she was. Then she denied knowing my father and siblings. The want to reach out got smacked right back at me.

I saw her on the bus a few days ago. I didn't get the same tight heart or nerves I got seeing her the first time.

I've tried to talking with anybody maori who comes into work or who I meet randomly, but nobody seems to grasp the idea I'm desperate for my brothers and sisters.


ReplyQuote
Aata
 Aata
(@aata)
New Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 3
27 January, 2012 1:01 am  

Kia ora Motorhead... You haven't mentioned your mother?... Are you able to approach your Whanau through your mother?... Can she introduce you to them?... Failing that I would "private message" the bro's and sis' you have found on facebook, introduce yourself... Pvte. msg. all of them... You only need to get back one reply and go from there... DON'T HESITATE ANY LONGER... Otherwise you will get more and more depressed and regret not making the move... Good luck... Kia Kaha...


ReplyQuote
te phantom
(@te-phantom)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 26
09 February, 2012 5:58 pm  

Kia ora Motorhead

About 6 years ago, I saw a posting on this site from someone looking for her whanau. She was adopted out of her whanau.

Her mother was my first-cousin, so, I emailed this girl (approx 29 years old at the time). I told her that her mother was my cousin and asked if she wanted to find out more. A short and brief email, to the point (unlike this one).

She got back to me fairly quickly. Obviously she was overwhelmed, emotional, happy, tearful, etc.

I arranged to talk to her on the phone - I called her and we talked.

She had questions. I told her that her Mum had passed away. I arranged for OUR nearby family (her Uncle, Aunt, siblings, etc.) to make contact with her.

There was some past friction between her Mother and a family member, but that was/IS the only negative that I know of.

Everybody else in OUR family (incl. her extended family) were/ARE very welcoming.

So, even if there is a negative someone. There are probably and most likely, more whanau out there who are more welcoming. So, don't be disheartened by one negative person.

So, private message one of your whanau (or more) on facebook, or email them. A short message, introducing yourself (name, age, etc.); who your father is; that you want to make contact and/or meet with your siblings, aunts, uncles, Nans, Koros, etc.

MAORI are nurturing by nature and our whanau is important to us.

I hope that all goes well, please keep us informed.

Kia kaha, Te Phantom


ReplyQuote
Motorhead
(@motorhead)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 7
08 May, 2012 11:36 pm  

Months have passed since I wrote my original message to you guys.

Let me start by thanking you for your well wishes and advice. Sometimes you find the kindest words in strangers.

Last week I finally balls'd up approached my brother. Tho to no avail. I gave him the option of contacting me or not and it seems he's chosen not to. He was the eldest of the brothers/sisters which is why I emailed him.

Hopefully it's only just fucking with his brain & I get to meet the family soon. One can only wait.

If I hear anything else I'll let yous know.

Churr,
Jesse


ReplyQuote
poutokomanawa
(@poutokomanawa)
Trusted Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 584
09 May, 2012 1:22 pm  

Kia ora Motorhead,

Kia kaha and don't be disheartened and good on you for approaching your brother - well done! 😀

Maybe he is thinking about it - you have had months to think about it and he has only had a few days - give him time 🙂

[quote]You sound like a uncle I would like my children to be around.[/quote]
frontman is right and you need to hold onto that

[quote]I would "private message" the bro's and sis' you have found on facebook, introduce yourself... Pvte. msg. all of them... You only need to get back one reply and go from there[/quote]
Aata also has a good idea and you should try it - you have contacted the eldest - and good on you for doing that - now try the lot!

[quote]There was some past friction between her Mother and a family member, but that was/IS the only negative that I know of.

Everybody else in OUR family (incl. her extended family) were/ARE very welcoming.

So, even if there is a negative someone. There are probably and most likely, more whanau out there who are more welcoming. So, don't be disheartened by one negative person.

So, private message one of your whanau (or more) on facebook, or email them. A short message, introducing yourself (name, age, etc.); who your father is; that you want to make contact and/or meet with your siblings, aunts, uncles, Nans, Koros, etc.

MAORI are nurturing by nature and our whanau is important to us.[/quote]
te phantom is soo right motorhead - whanau is not just one person but many persons. While te phantom acknowledges that there may be a negative someone they would not be the majority and you shouldn't let one lack of response get you down and stop you from trying the lot like aata and te phantom suggest.

This post has brought back memories of another member from the old whakapapa club who was in the same boat as you. We encouraged her to make the same steps that everyone on this post has suggested for you, and in the end it will work out! You just need to hold your head up high and not get disheartened - we are all here to support you through this - so you are not alone! 😀

Once again, kia kaha motorhead! We are all here for you! 😀

Nau te raurau,
Naku te raurau,
Ka ora ai nga tangata!
--------------------------------
Together we will get there!
--------------------------------


ReplyQuote
Motorhead
(@motorhead)
Active Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 7
11 May, 2012 1:00 am  

Poutokomanawa, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I thought waiting for my father was bad enough. Waiting for my brother is worst.


ReplyQuote
Page 1 / 2
Share: